Everyday Graces:
A Child's Book of Good Manners
Book Review
by Marilyn Rockett
“Jeremy, Jeremy, strong and able; Take your elbows off the table.” “Don’t be a slob; Finish the job.” Those little rhymes are just one of the ways that I tried to teach good manners memorably in our household of four boys. After all, I would probably face four daughters-in-law one day, and I prayed that my sons would be polite, kind individuals who knew how to behave externally and had a heart internally to consider others before themselves. If Everyday Graces (ISI Books, 2003) by Karen Santorum, wife of United States Senator Rick Santorum, had been written 20 years ago, I think my job would have been easier.
Mrs. Santorum has compiled an impressive anthology of stories, poems, excerpts from classic books, and other writings that includes some of her own storytelling, a delightful story by her husband about setting the table, and a poem for remembering how to set the table by her daughter, Elizabeth. But this is more than just an etiquette book. She uses the power of stories to reach into the heart. Scripture tells us, “Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life” (Proverbs 4:23, NKJV). In Mrs. Santorum’s words, “True politeness . . . is the mirror of a person’s heart and soul—it is an outward expression of inner virtue.” She shares with us in the beginning “Note to Parents” that the book grew out of her “frustration at not being able to find a book on manners for children that instructs through stories rather than by rules and dos and don’ts.”
I love the way she has arranged the book: thirteen chapters, each one dealing with a different aspect of a child’s (and parent’s) life. This arrangement makes the book easy to use when situations arise relating to your children’s manners or heart inclinations or when you want to reinforce particular attitudes in your children. The Contents lists subcategories under each chapter, and an Index of Titles in the back lists each individual selection and page number, giving you two places to search easily for appropriate readings.
She wisely begins Chapter I with Good Manners at Home, which is exactly where manners should start and where they must be practiced, and the first portion of that chapter is Honor Your Mother and Father. Other chapters include the expected topics like table manners, writing letters and invitations, getting along with others, and personal grooming, but there are also chapters that I have never seen in a book on good manners: Using Words Wisely, Appreciating People With Disabilities, Caring for the Elderly and Sick, Kindness Towards Animals, and Respecting Our Country.
Most selections are followed by a few lines of comment, advice, or instruction. It was refreshing to see stories and poems that my grandmother read to me when I was a girl and others that are more contemporary. A wonderful little poem (author unknown) was included that I had taught my younger boys to recite:
If a task is once begun
Never leave it till it’s done.
Be the labor great or small,
Do it well or not at all.
The only way the book could be improved is by including many more of the delightful illustrations by Sam Torode (a budding art graduate of Hillsdale College) in the book. The ones that are included lend a special charm to the selections. Since this is a read-aloud book, young children would enjoy more pictures as they follow along.
In spite of that drawback, Everyday Graces will not belong on your bookshelf. Instead, it deserves a distinguished place on your coffee table or in a place where it can be reached readily to be read often. In today’s world of rudeness, disrespect, coarseness, and uninhibited self-expression, this book may become one of your main curriculum tools. Mrs. Santorum says about the selections, “They are instructive, but they are also clever and entertaining. I trust you will find them enjoyable and edifying.” By God’s grace, He will reach our children’s hearts to produce a new generation that understands everyday graces!
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