Categories: Continue
      Date: Nov 11, 2008
     Title: Daughters at Thirteen

I believe that the age of thirteen holds great significance in life. This marks the time of transition from childhood into adulthood. Although “teenage” years in our typical American culture have generally been times of rebellion and licentious behavior, it was not so in the ancient Hebrew culture. In fact, it was not so even one hundred years ago in our culture. It is my goal as a father of seven children to instill into them just what it means to move toward maturity. I want to set expectations for them. Our children need to be taught what it means to be adults.

What does it mean to embrace the responsibility that accompanies this significant age milestone? It is obvious by observing others in American society over the past several decades that this has been a lost art. Grown men still act like little boys, desiring bigger and better toys. They run to and fro, seeking fleshly entertainment. Grown women immerse themselves in fictional romance novels and television soap operas. We should set much higher standards than that for our children.

Yet it’s not good enough just to tell them not to be “like the world.” We must instruct them regarding what it means to be godly Christian men and godly Christian women.

Role-specific Training

To that end, I have decided as their father to author two documents. One document is for daughters. The other is for sons. There are major differences between the two, though there is a little bit of overlap. These differences must be maintained, for there are many different goals that we should have for our daughters than we have for our sons.

Our daughters must be trained as godly women who have hearts to bekeepers at home.

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Each must learn to submit to the leadership of a godly man

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Daughters need to be taught what it means to be pure.Though this definitely includes physical purity, it does not stop there. A daughter must keep her heart and emotions pure by guarding her thoughts. She must present herself in modest apparel.

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In due time, the Lord may bring her to a husband. In the meantime, she may prepare for marriage by praying for her future husband and learning those homemaking skills that she will need to benefit a family. However, she is not to fantasize about particular men or boys.

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She should cultivate a desire for babies and children for children are great blessings from God. If the Lord so wills, she will someday be called to be a wife and a mother.

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A daughter can practice all these things within the context of her own home by helping her mother accomplish the tasks of the household. In this manner, she serves her father and furthers his enterprise while at the same time learning timeless skills she will need later.

A daughter also needs to be well-educated. She needs to be solidly grounded in biblical truth. She needs to be discerning regarding the teaching she receives. She will be doing much of the instruction of her own children someday, so it is vital for her to embrace her studies and strive for excellence. Though my daughters will not enter the work force as “independent women,” I emphasize the importance of education as a means whereby they will support and undergird my efforts while a part of my household, and each will be a valuable asset to her husband once married.

A son, on the other hand, must be taught how to lead a family. Though there are issues that are similar to what his sisters are being taught, such as purity and the importance of education, he must also learn the art of servantleadership. The Lord Jesus Christ filled three roles on our behalf. These roles included those of prophet, priest, and king. I believe that Christ also intends for a father to imitate His example by filling the same roles for his family.

The role of a prophet is to speak vision. A husband and father should have a clear idea of where he is going in life. In this role of prophet, he should create a vision statement and set goals that will help to support this vision. A prophet also brings about discipline, as we see from numerous Scriptural examples. I am reminded of the boldness that Nathan assumed when confronting King David about his sin.

As priest, a father should act as an intercessor for his family. Whereas the Scripture says that “there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus” (I Timothy 2:5), a father can and should intercede on behalf of his family, following the example of Job. The time in prayer on his knees before the Father on their behalf is vital. A father must instruct his family in the principles of God’s Word. He should lead them in family worship every day. He must instruct them in sound doctrine.

Finally, a father should serve as king,or protector of his family. His role of king is not like the world’s idea of a king. He is not to sit back and expect to be waited on hand and foot. Though there is nothing wrong with sons and daughters serving their father and honoring him in the process, a father should neither expect nor demand to be treated as “royalty” above the rest of his family. A father must be diligent to protect the spirits, souls, and bodies of his family. This includes guarding what type of media enters his home. It includes being particular about which other people are allowed access to his family. It includes learning how to defend his family with deadly force if necessary.

A father is given this responsibility by God. He is truly a shepherd over the flock that God has given him. A son needs to learn the skills necessary to fill these three roles. It is to be hoped that a father will live this example out in front of his sons. However, just as I have done with my daughters, I am also documenting the details of how to carry this out practically with my sons.

My oldest daughter is fourteen. I completed the document for my daughter entitled “Guidelines for a Southerland Lady” in time for Brittney’s thirteenth birthday last September. My oldest son is eleven. I am currently working on “Charges for a Southerland Son” and will be presenting it to my oldest son, Michael, on his thirteenth birthday next December.

Bearing Fruit

I have seen significant fruit borne as a result of presenting Brittney with the Guidelines document. She has matured greatly in the last year. Her attitude has changed. She has embraced the expectations that her mother and I have set for her in the document.

One thing that I encouraged in the Guidelines was that the skill of sewing would be very beneficial to cultivate. By learning to sew well, she can save money for her household and provide modest clothing in a world where it is increasingly unavailable. Using this skill, it is also possible for her to earn money within the context of her own home. Brittney heeded this advice. This year, for Vision Forum’s Jamestown Quadricentennial Celebration, Brittney sewed beautiful colonial dresses for her sister and herself. She did an outstanding job on her first major sewing project.

I have also noticed a change in outlook and attitude. Though before she would do chores only when asked, she now takes initiative and helps with her baby brothers and sisters. My wife and I are witnessing before our eyes the transformation of a young girl into a young woman. It is such a blessing to have Brittney as a daughter. It is a joy to teach her the things that will be necessary for her to be the vice-regent of her own home someday.

I have similar expectations for my sons as they approach young adulthood. As I strive to complete my Charges document, I’m also working with my son and trying to disciple him along the way.

It is through the hands-on day-today “walking by the way” that God intends for fathers to train their children. I hope to be faithful to this calling by modeling and specifying the particular expectations that I have for both my sons and my daughters.