Socially Thriving vs. Socially Depriving by Jeff Fulbright | HOMESCHOOLING TODAY Magazine

Aren’t you worried about your child’s social development? Isn’t socialization important to you? That’s what some people will ask you when they find out that you homeschool. Of course these folks really know nothing about homeschooling or what socialization really means. They believe that somehow homeschooled children won’t be able to socially function in society unless they are removed from their parents all day long and placed in school with other children and teachers where they can receive proper social instruction. Please read on if would like the truth about this subject from one homeschool dad’s perspective.

Socially Inept or Just Polite

Because of the many homeschool events organized by our local homeschool group, I’ve been around hundreds of homeschooled children. Contrary to the conjecture of homeschool critics, I find homeschool children to be remarkably polite and humble, unlike many of their public school counterparts that I run into during the week.

Keep in mind that the virtues of politeness and humility might have the appearance of social deprivation in a society that values selfpromotion and lack of discipline. For example, a particular homeschool child may “appear” shy because he is not being loud and drawing constant attention to himself. At first blush, the world may consider this child socially inept when, in reality, the child’s underlying God-inspired (and parentally instructed) virtues of self-restraint and discipline are at work.

The flawed assumption is that a child needs to be in a “school-like” setting as soon as possible so that the child can learn how to interact with others. Socialization is regularly placed above academics. You see, the theory goes, if your four-year old child can be around other four-year old children all day long, then your child will learn how to play, communicate, share, and establish relationships in a way that will help your child successfully deal with others.

However, ponder the following questions: Do I want my children spending the majority of their waking hours with children and teachers I really do not know? Do I believe that other children can offer my children solid advice on playing, communicating, sharing, or establishing relationships?

You’ve probably noticed that it isn’t necessary to teach your children to lie, steal, covet, disobey, or be selfish. No, those things come naturally and are played out among all the unsupervised children at your local schoolyard. Amazingly, some homeschool critics believe that this very type of schoolyard activity is the social activity that your child needs to prepare him for the world. This theory is quite silly and is not supported by any facts. The Bible certainly does not promote this view, but instead it indicates that parents have the responsibility for training children in the way they should go.

The Bully!

Unbelievably, I’ve actually heard homeschool critics tell me that one of the benefits of a “school-like” setting is that it will give children the chance to face the dreaded “bully;” you know, the kid who will try to steal money from another child and threaten physical harm when no teachers are watching or the kid who does stuff for which adults go to jail or get sued for doing. Well, some say that this is just the kind of thing our children need to learn how to deal with because, when they are adults, they are going to face people like this in the work place! They’re going to need to know how to deal with difficult co-workers, and learning to deal with the bully is the first step in this most important social journey.

I guess I’m fortunate because I’ve been working for a long time with many people, but I’ve never had another co-employee (or anyone for that matter) try to prevent me from leaving my office when I wanted to get a drink of water or shove my face into the water fountain as I was drinking or force me to hand over my lunch money. It’s a good thing, too, because I get grumpy if I don’t get lunch. Well, you get my point. In the adult world, a bully would be arrested, sued, or fired; not brought back the next day and forced to sit right next to you all day long!

No More Social Functions Please

In truth, most homeschool groups have numerous outings and social get-togethers where our children can obtain some of these so-called highly sought after social skills. Of course, these functions are a far cry from the repeated, daily, unsupervised, social teaching that your children can experience from 7:00 A.M. to 3:00 P.M. No, three hours of church, two hours of Awana Club, baseball, soccer, ballet, drama, co-ops, daily interaction with siblings, playing with other children after school and on weekends, and other outings are not enough according to the faulty theory; homeschool critics say our children need something more. Unfortunately, my children and I are just too tired for anything more.

If “socially deprived” means giving my children undivided attention (which they certainly do not get in a school setting) and accurate social information about sex, drugs, character, relationships, and religion (as opposed to learning about these things in a traditional school environment from peers and teachers whom I do not know), then in that sense, my children are “socially deprived.” They are deprived from repeated and unnecessary exposure to misinformation and distorted values.

What Children Really Need

One of the many advantages of homeschooling is that it allows us to teach our children the Bible’s time-tested principles for success which are useful in any environment. Our children will learn about good and evil and that choosing between them will set the course for their life. Our children will learn about patience, know what it means to work hard, know how to treat one another as biblically warranted, and know (from the Bible) the attitudes necessary to be successful in any Fortune 500 company.

In contrast, the world teaches selfishness, entitlement, and greed, which are none of the characteristics sought after by any company I’ve ever represented. I’m always amazed at the statistics on employee theft and the billions of dollars that companies in America have to spend each year trying to prevent their own employees from stealing. Indeed, a position always exists for an employee that follows the principles laid out in Proverbs. But who will teach them these principals?

In my opinion, true social deprivation is failing to teach your children to know who their Creator is and why they were created. If our children do not have a proper understanding of their place in this world under those parameters, our children’s mistakes will be quite predictable.

I do not intend this article to be a criticism of every public or private school. Decent schools exist, and everyone does not have the privilege or ability to homeschool. God, in His sovereignty, controls. For some He may provide the privilege of homeschooling; for others it may not be available. However, critics of home schooling have no rational basis or statistical evidence to suggest that homeschoolers are missing anything of value.

Wisdom in a Deprived World

I recently witnessed social wisdom exhibited by one of my “socially deprived” children. Last summer, at our neighborhood pool, our nine-yearold son was sitting next to two lifeguards in their early 20s who were having a conversation about travel in the United States. One life guard mentioned that Las Vegas was a place to go to win a lot of money.

Unintentionally killing their joy, my son spoke up, feeling the need to impart some wisdom about money. My son proceeded to tell them about a newspaper article I had shared with him the week before (how timely) from theAtlanta Journal Constitution.The article was about a man in Georgia who recently won 100 million dollars in the lottery and had responded to this good fortune by going from a good, hardworking citizen to being placed in jail three times for drunk driving, getting a divorce, and losing the right to see his children.

My son completed the story by telling the astonished lifeguards that the man’s wife said that winning all that money was the worst thing that ever happened to them. I don’t know if the lifeguards ever went to Las Vegas seeking their fortune, but it is comforting that my son knows the truth about an important subject frequently addressed in the Bible. Because of the exorbitant amount of time that my four children spend with their parents, they are exposed to biblical wisdom on a daily basis; they wisely know that money does not equal joy and fulfillment.

Homeschoolers, you don’t have to let critics discourage your homeschool journey. Homeschooling creates an environment where true social maturity can be developed and nurtured. Doing the right thing is rarely easy, but it’s always right.