Practical Ways to be a Better Homeschool Father
In the Late Fall 2006 issue of Homeschooling Today magazine, I shared some personal action items for being a more faithful homeschool father, all of which dealt with you—the dad. Hopefully, I encouraged you to nurture your own soul; to be the principal—not just in name—of your homeschool; to control time at the job, in front of the television and watching sports; and to protect your homeschool by takeing care of its legal aspects, namely joining HSLDA (www.hslda.org).
Now, I'd like to follow up with some specific applications of God's word toward your family.
Love your wife unconditionally. One very important way to make your homeschool successful and to train your children is to unconditionally love your wife in a visible way before your children. Here are some ways:
- Support her 100% and never argue with her in front of the children.
- Die to yourself when you come home from work. Multiple sclerosis puts me in a much more physically weakened condition than healthier fathers. After putting in a full day of work under highly stressful situations, I am tired. But I have committed to taking over caring for the children each night. My body is longing for rest and relaxation, but I discipline myself and cry out to God for strength to supervise dinner clean up and administer all discipline.
- Honor your wife before your children. Praise her before the children and support her verbally and physically. Our children need to understand that although our wives are under our authority, we treat them with the love of a fellow heir of salvation. Regularly communicate with her so that you do not assume anything about each other; so that everything is verbally expressed to avoid conflict.
- Give her a break. I give my wife one overnight a month to a conference; with a friend; or just on her own to relax, worship, or do lesson plans. I also give her one night to herself each week. These times recharge her and help her keep going.
Love your wife so your prayers will not be hindered, as it says in I Peter 3:7. We want our children to be godly and so we pray to God that He will transform their hearts. We don't want to these prayers to be hindered because we don't love our wives! Ephesians 5:25 (NKJV) sums it up: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her." This is unconditional. We cannot condition our love for our wife on how she performs or how well she homeschools. Jesus loved me while I was His enemy and He gave His life for me. This is how I must love my wife. There is no higher love than that.
Administer discipline when you are at home. When I am home, I am in charge of all discipline. I don't want to be known simply as the dad who is all "fun and games" and my wife known as the "bad guy" because she has to do the disciplining. I want my children to respect my wife and realize that the rules she enforces are my rules. The message is clear: my wife and I are one.
Tracy is very busy during the day teaching the children and keeping up with the tasks of our household. It is often difficult for her to administer discipline when a child is disobeying, so I've created a system where she can write "marks" by a child's name, noting their infraction. When I come home I look on the refrigerator to see if there are any marks and I dispense the discipline accordingly. My children now understand that they will not get away with disobedience or bad attitudes. This enables our homeschool to run much more smoothly.
Shepherd your children's hearts. We must shepherd our child's heart and not simply control his or her actions. Our children cannot live with nothing but rules—they have to be covered with our love. Come alongside your children; take time to understand them and to know their hearts. One way to do this is to have a regular time scheduled with each child.
To truly be spiritual heads, we homeschool fathers must teach our children how to have their own private devotions with the Lord God Almighty.
I used to read nightly to my children between the ages of four and seven stories either directly from the Bible or from a Bible storybook. I would often read by flashlight, with all the lights turned out. I found that children, especially my twins, will completely quiet down and listen to the word of God this way. I would ask them questions and we would discuss what we had read. They would actually beg for me to read the Bible to them. For some of my other children I'll spend a few minutes reading the Bible in their rooms with them before they go to bed. When he was six, my son Jesse stated: "My favorite thing I like to do with my dad is read the Bible with him." That's where I want my children to be, now and throughout their lives: lovers of God's word.
I also schedule appointed times early in the morning or evening with each child. I take each of them through a book that directs them on how to develop godly character.
I have taken each of the girls through the book Beautiful Girlhood, edited by Karen Andreola. This is a wonderful book; throughout its chapters it deals with many godly character traits of a girl and issues they face transitioning from girlhood into womanhood. It is an especially helpful book for a dad to use with many things discussed that, as a man, he would not have realized or discussed with his daughter.
For my son who has had trouble with conflicts with his sisters, I've been taking him through the "Peacemakers" Series for children. This is an easy-to-read series of booklets with many illustrations summarizing the Biblical principles of dealing with conflict and applying them to siblings and friends. I have several other books that I have taken my children through, which I provide for you in a list of resources at the end of this article.
Go through Proverbs with your children. This is the best method of spiritual training and instilling moral values I have seen. As a father, you should be in charge of teaching Proverbs to your children. If you are unable to do anything else, but you teach your children Proverbs, you will be teaching them wisdom and teaching them life.
A great time to do this is during family devotions. I lead family devotions as often as possible—at least five nights a week. Leading family devotions is a must for you fathers to teach your children in the Lord and to show them how much of a priority God is to you. If I work late and miss dinner, I go right to family devotions and eat my dinner later at night when the children are in bed.
Teach your children to develop the habit of personal devotions. To truly be spiritual heads, we homeschool fathers must teach our children how to have their own private devotions with the Lord God Almighty. It is important that we make them accountable to us as father and as spiritual head. I've learned a method that has really seemed to help my children form a lasting habit of having regular, daily, personal devotions in communion with God.
I have each child who can read and write, read a particular passage in Scripture which I prearrange with them as to which book of the Bible or chapters they should be reading. Each day they must write in a notebook, according to the day of the week, a verse. They must also write a sentence or two describing in their journal what this verse means to them. At the appointed weekly time, I meet with each of my children and review the Bible verses they wrote from their personal devotions and their comments from the past week.
What a joy it is to stroll through the Scriptures with my children and review what they have already been reading for the past week! Children who are diligent about having their personal devotions every day for a given month, they get a special treat from Dad or breakfast out with him. These incentives particularly help the smaller children as they begin developing their habits. The incentives are not needed as much with the older children as they are generally motivated from their heart to have daily personal devotions with the Lord.
Do you feel overwhelmed yet? I do not know about you, but being a homeschool father seems quite overwhelming. You might be saying to yourself, "There is no way I can do this." You are right. You can't. I can't. But God can. So, you only need to ask yourself, "How badly do I want it? How much do I want to be a godly homeschool father?" Then put forth the effort, planning, emotion, and —most of all—prayer to make it happen— eternal souls are at stake.
Resources
- Heart of Home Schooling: Teaching and Living What Really Matters by Christpoher Klicka (Broadman and Holman, 2002). Available from the Home School Legal Defense Association, 540-338-5600 or www.hslda.org .
- Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens by Paul David Tripp (P & R Publishing, 1997).
- Beautiful Girlhood edited by Karen Andreola (Great Expectations Book Co., 1993).
- Encyclopedia of Bible Truths for School Subjects by Ruth Haycock (Association of Christian Schools International, 2005). Available in four volumes from ACSI, 800-367- 0798 or www.acsi.org.
- Golden Booklet of the True Christian Life by John Calvin (Baker Book House, 1995).
- Proverbs for Parenting: A Topical Guide for Child Raising from the Book of Proverbs by Barbara Decker (Lynn's Bookshelf, 1989).
- Shepherding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp (Shepherd Press, 1995).