FirstYear Advice
FY Q: What are some of your challenges?
A: Some of my challenges include wanting to meet the needs of all four of my children who are all very different with different challenges of their own. Sometimes, I think if I were only homeschooling one of them, I would be doing an excellent job! Yet with all of them, I often feel below par of my own expectations. And often unsure if my expectations are too high or too low.
We live in a foreign country where homeschool is not so popular, and I often feel isolated and overwhelmed by the lack of mentors in this area. Sometimes, I just think we should get over our high ideals and put the kids in school. Thankfully, my husband is very strongly convinced we should homeschool and so we keep plodding forward. I just wish I felt more confident that I am doing the right things with each of them.
My dd 10 is very bright and I think often bored, and I cannot keep enough reading material for her. She is also a whiz at computers. My ds 8 struggles with reading but is gifted in Math and Science...maybe a future inventor. My ds 6 also struggles with reading but really it's just the sitting still...he is a busy little bee. He can command various hosts of his army men and develop the most strategic battle plans. My youngest ds 4 is already trying to read with absolutely no push from me. He loves to be read to and will sit and look at books. He has a few memorized. (My dd was like this, even earlier).
I see so much potential. I want to help them become what God has planned for them. How do I structure my days to make this happen?
—Melissa W.
Kara responds:
Dear Melissa,
Thank you so much for sharing your struggles and for being open! I think that you will find that most of your struggles are not unusual, and your concerns, frustrations, and fears are more common than not among homeschooling moms. I know I have felt and thought many of the same things you feel and have written.
First, I must tell you that it is my belief that almost every homeschooling mom, especially of young children, falls far below her personal expectations for herself. I'm not sure exactly what drives this insecurity in us. Perhaps it is the deeply ingrained belief that education should be done by professionals. I'm not really sure that’s it, because I have a degree in elementary education, and I still feel like I'm doing a poor job from time to time. I think many of us find out about homeschooling and read books of "how to do it" and start forming this image of the "perfect homeschooling mom" in our heads. Of course, she doesn't exist, but we measure ourselves by her all the time, always falling short. I'm sure that our desire to give our children the best we possibly can also plays a part. This is one reason homeschoolers succeed where schools failure—pure parental motivation. On the other hand, the complete responsibility falls on our shoulders which means that if we fail, we have no one else to blame. (Of course, that is actually true of parents who send their children to school, as well, but it doesn't "feel" like it.)
I sure understand your frustration with feeling divided between the needs of your children. I am “multi-task challenged.” I joke that I developed ADD as the Lord gave us more children—just wish I'd gotten the "H" to go with it!
We have never met, and I don’t know you or your children, but based on conversations I have had with many homeschooling families, I can venture some suggestions that may help. Please take what is helpful and leave what is not!
First, I am so glad to see you recognize your children's strengths. The Lord has made them uniquely to serve Him in a special way. I sense that many of the challenges you face are actually opportunities in disguise. You must remember that while you are responsible to bring your children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, He has not called you to meet all their needs. You must see yourself as the handmaiden of the Lord. Your job is to provide the materials and opportunities for them. The Lord is the one who will meet their needs. I am often comforted by knowing that as God is in control, I cannot thwart His plan for my child. I am held accountable for faithfulness, but I'll never mess up His plan!
I am so pleased to see that your husband, like mine, is very committed to homeschooling. Boy did that make a difference for us. It's so easy for moms to miss the forest for the trees. Husbands are much better at seeing the big picture!
If I could bottle homeschooling confidence, I'd make a fortune—it seems that everybody needs it...and it only comes at the end of the road! At this stage of life, it is difficult to see the end of the road, especially when there are so few examples. Even here in the US, families that have already run the course are still few and far between.
I have some specific suggestions and thoughts concerning your children. Please understand, though, that our homes are all so different and I don't know that we will ever feel as if we have "arrived" and gotten it all right while our children are still young. Each day is a challenge and an opportunity. That is one reason I have never been able to follow a set schedule. We love structure around here and predictability, but we also try to cultivate a great degree of flexibility. Our experience has been that flexible people are nice people to work with and they weather life's storms with a greater degree of grace. So, we try to strike a balance between structure and flexibility, all the while trying to avoid absolute chaos!
As you probably know from your experience with your eight-year-old son, many homeschooling parents would give their right arm to have the same "problem" as you have with your daughter. You have to recognize the blessing she is to you. At ten as a very good reader and a very bright child, she shouldn't need much from you. If she is like many voracious readers, she will read anything and everything she can get her hands on. You are going to need a couple of good reading lists to keep her busy. I recommend The Book Tree by Elizabeth McCallum and Jane Scott (Cannon Press, 2008) as a starting point. Also, the 1,000 good book list (which doesn't actually have 1,000 books on it). Depending on your situation, you can either use a library or start buying books to make one!
For her structured lessons, I suggest you look at things that capitalize on her reading strengths and that allow her to work independently. I do not recommend any one form or style of homeschooling, but AmblesideOnline developed by Charlotte Mason enthusiasts offers booklists with weekly assignments. The books are challenging and most good readers work on their own for the most part. There are so many components that can be added to the program, but I suggest that you start with the booklists. Some components you may never want to add—we’re just not into Plutarch, for example—but after you gain some confidence, nature study and art and composer study are nice additions that all your children can enjoy. And it’s all there, organized and suggested for you. For now, just have her read and narrate to you what she has read. One big benefit of Ambleside for fast readers is that it will force your daughter to slow down and think about what she has read. Good, fast readers are like skipping stones, quickly skimming the surface of the water. They can cover a lot of ground in that way, but tend to not dive in deeply. Ambleside will force her to read small sections of a wider range of high-quality literature. Oh, yes, and it’s all available free of charge. You just have to buy the books.
Ambleside would not be the curricular choice for your eight-year-old son, though, unless you want to spend all your time reading aloud to him. (And just what would the six- and four- year old be doing during that time?) I understand the limitations that are placed on us when our children are “late” readers. Actually research suggests that, especially for boys, if an eight-year-old is learning to read, he’s right on schedule. (It’s those children like your daughter that set up our expectations that everyone should read at six!) As far as time investment, he will be your greatest consumer.
For your son, for all three boys, I believe that Five in Row is an excellent choice. You can work with all three at the same time. Read aloud a picture book and discuss some of the topics suggested for the day. Eight-year-old and four-year-old will sit listening. Six-year-old may sit or he may need to push a car or train around or play with a squishy ball while you read. You will be nurturing your relationship with all three. Five in a Row covers Social Studies, Language Arts, Art, Applied Math, and Science, all enjoyably and conversationally. If you have access to a library nearby, you can supplement any interest that is stirred by the topics, but that is totally optional and not necessary for success with it. (I do tend to purchase books on topics of interest to my boys who are reluctant readers…you never know if one of them will be the one that really gets them really reading!)
After the Five in a Row lesson, the six-year-old can go play. The four-year-old may or may not mull around while you work on skills with the eight-year-old.
With the eight-year-old, you probably already have some things you are using with him. Our methods are pretty simple. Practice reading from an easy reader, copying and/or dictation—sometimes from our Five in a Row book, and math, if it isn’t already done for the day. That is a good amount of schoolwork for an eight-year-old.
Beyond the structured work, he needs to have access to “stuff” to work out his creative ideas. He doesn’t really need toys, but tools, like wood, nails, and a hammer, and junk to take apart and try to figure out. And time to work out his ideas. (His younger brothers will probably think he’s amazing as creates new things out of old…and he needs that, too.)
You can probably guess my suggestions for your six-year-old. If he is like many “busy bees,” his needs are not really academic. Include him in Five in a Row and expect him gradually to learn to sit quietly during the reading. Let him enjoy listening to the book. Casually point out phonics items in the text, perhaps things he has already learned. (If you are not sure what kind of things to draw his attention to, there is a chart in The Three Rs by Ruth Beechick for reference.) Your four-year-old will probably pick up a lot in this way, as well. Keep it casual and wait until he is about seven and half to begin “teaching” him to read. (The Three Rs will help then, too.)
Also, my very active fellows have needed to learn some responsibility. It seems that activity and distractibility go together for some children. If he doesn’t have any already, he needs to be given a chore—not a token chore, though—a real, meaningful, necessary chore for which he is solely responsible. Things like emptying the dishwasher or putting away the dried dishes, emptying the drier and bringing the dry laundry to you, something that will really affect the household if it’s not done. And no one else should do it for him—ever. Learning this responsibility will actually lay the groundwork for his future work in his lessons.
It is great that your four-year-old is already showing an interest in reading. Keep it casual. You might want to purchase a simple phonics game for him to play with and use. If you keep it in a special tub or basket and call his “school work” he’ll feel included, he’ll be learning, but he won’t be pressured. I searched Rainbow Resource and found this game and other file folder-type games. Also, my smaller ones have always loved alphabet puzzles, especially the train floor puzzle. (We have worn out two!) Of course, I am sure you will continue to read aloud to him and supply him with lots of interesting books to “read” on his own. Who knows? He may be one of those children who teaches himself to read with just a little input from you.
The Lord will bring more and better ideas to your mind as you move forward. He will show you things to capitalize on through the day and in the future. I hope that this helps you, but does not put pressure on you. This is not "the right way" to homeschool, but it is one way to accomplish your goals within the family the Lord has given you with confidence and the assurance that you are giving your children the "best" you can.
God Bless,
Kara Murphy
P.S. If you have any questions, please feel free to email me: kara@homeschooltoday.com.