A Mother... A Mentor
One night about eleven years ago, I had just plopped tiredly down into the big overstuffed chair in our living room. Clay and I had finally finished the bedtime routine of teeth brushing, “pajama-ing,” tickling and back-scratching, bedtime prayers, and “Stay in your bed now, it is late and time to go to sleep!” injunctions. I can still remember feeling so exhausted that I thought I could sleep for about two months without stirring. At that time, my older children were twelve, nine, and seven, and the newest member of the family was not yet one. After a couple of miscarriages and five years without babies, the Lord had blessed me at 42 with another precious little girl, Joy.
I would love to hear inspirational messages from older moms who had gone before me that could Biblically encourage me—not lay on guilt or more burdens, but offer soul-lifting inspiration that would give me hope and courage to keep walking and stay faithful on this journey of motherhood.
I couldn’t have been more delighted to have another child, yet I found myself pouring out my heart to Clay about how weary I had become. Though I was passionate about my calling as a mom, I found myself daily running out of steam. When I had nursed my new baby multiple times during the day, made attempts at reading out loud the great books I had chosen to fill my children’s minds and souls (without falling asleep while reading!), waded through several levels of math, kept everyone fed, loved, disciplined and happy, and the house reasonably picked-up, I would reach nine o’clock at night and wonder if I could live another day. If anyone had an important question to ask, like, “Is there a God in the universe?” I felt like saying, “I don’t really know at this moment! But I do want you just to go to sleep and give me one moment of peace!”
As we talked on that night in the living room, Clay asked me what I felt I needed that would help me to make it through the physically, mentally, and spiritually draining years ahead with grace and strength. As I mulled this over in my mind, I realized that I was constantly giving out and meeting so many needs every day, and every year, without a break. Yet, I didn’t have regular ways in which I was able to fill up my own cup so that I would continually have more to give.
“I think I would love to hear inspirational messages from older moms who had gone before me that could Biblically encourage me—not lay on guilt or more burdens, but offer soul-lifting inspiration that would give me hope and courage to keep walking and stay faithful on this journey of motherhood. I just feel like I need someone who would come along with me to encourage me to keep going, to give me hope that what I am doing really matters and that I am going to be able to finish well.”
That discussion started us talking. If I was feeling these things, then surely many other mothers like me were feeling them, too. We both had been in discipleship and teaching ministry all our adult lives, so we knew we needed to pray about how to address these very real needs. We knew we needed to disciple our children, and to encourage and equip parents to do the same with their children, but clearly there was another level of ministry needed. As we studied Scripture, our convictions deepened that parents needed more than just instructions and resources. They needed mentors—biblical, inspirational coaches to help them keep going in the task of nurturing, discipling, and educating their children by building a biblical home and a godly heritage.
Scriptural Injunctions for Mentoring
Clay pointed to 2 Timothy 2:1-7 as a verse that could apply to our discussions. More than just giving Timothy instructions about his role of leadership in the church, Paul is mentoring young Timothy by giving him a model to follow, and inspiring him to do all that God has given him to do. Paul, the older, more experienced follower of Christ, is seeking to help Timothy, his young protégé, to be strong, wise, and biblically skillful in his own role in training and leading other men. Paul encourages him, “You therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. The things which you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses, entrust these to faithful men, who will be able to teach others also.” He then gives Timothy three inspirational examples in the soldier, athlete, and farmer, of how he, Paul, has lived.
In Paul’s exhortation to Timothy, I see a pattern and example of the process of transferring the spiritually mature life from one life to another—one mature person teaching, training, loving, and encouraging other younger believers, who would then keep the process going by teaching others who could teach others. It is the same pattern that Jesus used while on the earth, and passed on to his disciples. In the daily moments of eating, sleeping, and meeting the essentials of life with his disciples, Jesus taught, healed, fed, trained, loved, laughed, and instructed. Not only did the disciples hear the spiritual admonitions of Scripture, but they felt his devotion to them, demonstrated in reality as they felt his touch, heard his voice, and received the love of God incarnate. It’s a picture of what we want to happen in our homes with our children, but it is also a picture of what needs to happen in our lives with other parents.
As a mother, I began to hear the call to mentoring other mothers in a familiar passage, Titus 2:3-5: “Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.” (NASB)
The biblical pattern is the same as in Paul’s exhortation to Timothy. In this passage, he admonishes older, wiser, and more experienced women who to make it their ministry to give courage, hope, and inspiration to the younger women to keep going, and to be faithful at home, so they could have a testimony and life to pass on the same legacy to their children and to other mothers. Paul’s words also suggest that being a strong, godly, loving wife and mother is not necessarily easy or even natural, but something that must be taught, modeled, and passed on by those who have faithfully journeyed the path of motherhood. Mothers need to be mentored!
Searching out more scriptural admonitions and examples of mentoring for mothers, I recalled another old favorite passage, Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together, they keep warm, and how can one be warm alone? If one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.” Mothers, we cannot do this task of mothering alone—we need each other to be strong so we do not fall or fail.
As the Holy Spirit began to work these biblical passages into our lives, Clay and I realized just how important it was to us and others to have godly examples, spiritual accountability, and encouragement and instruction on this journey of parenting. Since reaching the hearts and minds and souls of future adults, our children, is essential to seeing that righteousness is passed on to each generation, it seemed clear to us that Satan, God’s enemy, would seek to discourage and defeat us along the weary road of parenting. If Satan can discourage parents and tempt them to give up their ideals of building a righteous heritage, then the next generation would have nothing to pass on. Faith in a family is always just one generation away from stopping. One person, who is alone, fighting an important spiritual battle, makes an easy target for Satan’s deception and discouragement. Yet, a soldier with good fortification and others to fight alongside is much better equipped to win the battle.
All these things caused me to ponder my own situation—no older women in my life, no real community, no real accountability with other mothers. I was living in a culture where there were no older women to encourage me, and where the role of motherhood no longer captured the imagination of women. How was I to sustain, alone, this challenging and high calling as a mother?
A Ministry of Mentoring
This is when the Holy Spirit began to build into the living-room conversations of our lives a message that would eventually become a ministry of outreach to families, and especially to mothers. Clay said, “Maybe we should consider hosting conferences for women, to help undergird them in their roles as moms, and to fortify them in their spiritual call to train and inspire their children. Materials, messages, and books and small groups would be a way to give women the encouragement and accountability they need to keep going in their journey as homeschooling moms. Let’s put together a moms’ conference and see if other moms feel like you.” And so in 1996, the WholeHearted Mother conferences were given birth, out of my own felt need to be strengthened and mentored.
A decade later now, as an official “older woman,” I have a conviction and a passion to be a Titus 2 mentor-mother to other younger mothers. It was something I didn’t have as much of an opportunity to enjoy as a young mother, but something I see is desperately needed now in our culture. In that spirit, let me offer a few suggestions that I have learned for young, or older, mothers for how to stay faithful on the journey of motherhood.
Staying Faithful in Motherhood
Second, seek out older women to be mentors, whether in person or in print. I have sought out older women to spend time with and ask questions. I would invite them over to my home for lunch or a cup of tea, and befriend them. Naturally, we would develop a relationship that gave me perspective on my own season of life and how to cope with the unique circumstances that each stage brought. Often, when we would move to a new town, it would take me a while to find such women, but I have been blessed by my efforts to put myself in the path of women wiser than myself.
Third, be involved in a small group of other mothers for accountability and encouragement. I have always made it a priority to reach out to other moms, and to make a place in my home for conversation, praying together, and studying the Bible. Not only do those small groups encourage other women, but they encourage me by being with like-minded mothers. As the Lord has opened up opportunities for me to write books over the years, I have written them in such a way that each book can be used either alone or in a small group of women, with Bible study questions and prayers at the end of each chapter. Often, when I have gathered with such a group of women, my stresses and circumstances would feel overwhelming. Yet, through our fellowship, I would gain new perspective and hope. The only thing that changed was being with other seasoned moms who had passed through the same journey with grace.
I am an idealist by nature, but I am realistic enough to know that I could have lowered my ideals on my journey of motherhood if I had not had the fortifying influence of God’s Word, spiritual encouragement, and loving friends to keep me on the path. Now, after these years, by God’s grace, of staying faithful to my own calling as a mom, I see the fruit of my walk in the lives of my children, now twenty-three, twenty, eighteen, and twelve. I love to see the depth of their souls, and especially see in my older children that they have become passionate, interesting adults with all sorts of dreams and ideals of their own, as they seek to discover and follow God’s call on their lives. They still love Clay and me and have become our best friends. How thankful I am, that even though I felt weary through many seasons, the Lord showed me how important accountability, input, and mentoring was to my life.
If you are a woman walking with God on the path of motherhood, you need a mother-mentor. If your own mother fills that role in your life, you are blessed indeed. If you are like many in our generation who have taken up this “mom walk” without a pattern to follow, don’t try to walk alone. Find an older woman who can encourage and inspire you to keep going. And listen for God’s voice, when you are older, to be prepared to take up the call to be an older woman, a mother-mentor, to other young women.