Sowing Seeds of Character
The ability to effectively sow seeds of character and educational training into the lives of our children is the primary reason many parents decide to homeschool. We understand the principle of quality and quantity time spent teaching and shaping our children for their adult lives and for God’s glory. The long-term investment in tilling the soil of our children’s hearts and sowing good seeds of habit and productivity produces advantageous fruit for their futures.
Yet in our daily busyness, it is easy to overlook everyday skills and habits that we should cultivate in our children. It is a labor-intensive job to train them to work well, and at times, other activities displace that training. But, when we fail to teach them, we reap the results immediately and they suffer the failed crop afterward.
Preparing the Soil
If, as a young person, you did not learn to manage a home, as I did not, or if you have difficulty balancing it all because you have not trained your children, the process begins with you. Take inventory of what you know how to do well and what you do not. Learn with your children. They are watching your example, and you sow seeds of perseverance into their lives when they see you try a task, possibly fail, and then try again.
Our children learn discipline when we reap the harvest of discipline in our lives. If we walk away from jobs, put chores off indefinitely, or act as though keeping our home is unimportant, they will establish the same habits. If we scatter the chaff of complaint (Ouch!) about household duties, they will catch our attitudes quickly. Conversely, if we display a cheerful spirit, we convey that these tasks are vital to a happy household, that a family works together to accomplish these tasks, and that family members are to serve one another with a kind and cheerful spirit.
Tilling the Ground
In a homeschool moms’ discussion about how hard it is to do all the things we need to do to teach and train our children, one mom quipped, “I could get into this homeschooling thing, if it weren’t for the kids!” If a strong urge tempts you to close the children’s bedroom doors on the mess rather than suit up for battle to get the rooms clean, or if your children are uncooperative and it would just be easier to do a job yourself, don’t give up! Instead, ask yourself two important questions:
How can teaching this skill to my children be a vehicle for teaching a greater character lesson?
If I don’t teach _______, will the lack of that knowledge and experience be harmful or, at least, a hindrance to my children as adults?
The lessons our children need to master are greater than how to make a bed, vacuum a floor, clean a toilet, or consistently feed a pet. They need to develop perseverance, stewardship of possessions, cheerful service to others, teamwork, unselfishness, completing a job they start, and working with excellence as unto the Lord. Family chores are one of the most effective ways to teach these lessons.
Sowing the Seeds
• With your spouse or as a family, establish a balance that works for your home—a “functional neatness” level that I define as neat enough to be peaceful and messy enough to be happy. Operating at either extreme of chaos or perfectionism does not bring peace to the household.
• Set a goal for your children to learn, by about age twelve, how to do everything necessary to care for a home and family.
• Establish an age-appropriate chore list for your children, even the young ones, which matches your goal above. A two- or three-year-old child can do simple tasks, such as put away toys, help an older child set the table, return clean silverware or dishes to cabinets, fold washcloths, and make a bed with assistance from another family member. Don’t underestimate these little guys!
• Record on a chore chart, family list, or in some other way the things you expect your children to do, and post it in a place the children can see. Keep the rules simple
.• Try a Clean Room Chart for each room, rather than one central chore chart. Record the chores for that room using a method that allows the children to check off what they have done. Remember that your definition of a clean room will not match your children’s definitions! I included a Clean Room Chart in my book, Homeschooling at the Speed of Life.
• Once you establish the balance for your home, the difficult part begins—enforcing it! Stick to the rules. When you do not require your children to complete their chores, you teach them that it really doesn’t matter and they do not have to obey you.
• Establish a simple, basic routine—not one impossibly scheduled by the clock, but one planned by a predictable sequence in segments of your day. Flex when needed but return to your basic schedule as soon as possible.
• Work with your children during a daily family work time. If all are working at the same time, even if each are doing different chores, a feeling of teamwork prevails. Children sense quickly that you are sending them off to do things that you dislike doing, so be there to support them as you all work together.
• Teach your children how to do a job rather than just requiring them to do it. Demonstrate how to do it and observe them as they do it while you give constructive help. When you know they can accomplish the job, hold them accountable for doing it well each time. Yes, I know it takes longer to do this, but you are sowing to a future harvest here.
• Follow-up—the hardest part of parenting! Your most important work is supervision so your children learn that they have to finish a job and do it with excellence.
• Continue to teach good habits through quick daily pickups and periodic cleanups as part of your routine.
Will you and your children accomplish this without flaw? Of course not. Life is messy and moves at a fast pace. Take small steps, teach the basics, do first things first, and deal with problems when they arise. Remember that you are sowing toward a future bountiful harvest.